Note to Self: Get Up and Let Go Saturday 12 October, 2013
What idiotic thing did I do this time? Stayed in one position for too long; allowed my brain to get the better of me.
“Note to Self” is a new blog category I’ll be posting from time to time that recounts the idiotic things I engage in in both beauty and life—because, truth be told, I do idiotic things often enough to have a dedicated section of a blog on it.
For the past two weeks, I’ve been experiencing bone-crushing pain in my spine and neck. This is often the result of a few different factors that, when allowed to mingle together in the same space, form a very, very prickly team indeed.
The first factor: stress. The second factor: working long hours in one sedentary position. The third factor: lack of sleep. Bing, bang, boom! The recipe for unbelievable pain is complete.
When I’m in the zone, I’m in the zone. I work like a robot; it’s part of who I am, and I pride myself on it. But it has its drawbacks; mainly, that I can work straight-through for 12 hours without barely moving. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I am not. I’m aware of it as a whole, but when I’m in the zone, I don’t become aware of the fact that I have not moved until around the 4 p.m. mark. That’s not good.
The hubby has discussed this with me over and over. He’d make a great dad, dear readers, because he’s dealing with a child here. I listen to him, but I never do what he says. Do you know what he tells me? “Get up and move.” Simple enough, no? And yet…I won’t do it. It’s a self-sabotaging streak that inhabits me; it can’t be beaten into submission (I’ve tried). It haunts me.
So I do not get up and move. I ignore the hubby.
But my back hurts so very bad. And there’s always more to do. More, more, more. Deadlines are met; I’m good like that. But the little things—the things that are secondary, that deserve more attention, like updating Instagram or putting more into social media—they fall away; they’re put on the back burner. And yet they clog my mind; they’re always sitting right at the very edge of my conscious, nagging me. “You need to pay attention to me, too!” they whimper. “You’re not nurturing me,” they plead. I hear them; I try to ignore them in the moment, promising myself I’ll give them their due attention later in the day. Every day, I think about all the things I should be doing, but don’t have time for. I think about them, and my spine aches from it.
I need to let them go.
The hubby also tells me to make lists. I retain a lot of info in my head; I don’t write down much. I have a pretty horrid memory when it comes to total recall of a news story I read, but somehow, some way, I am able to keep a running list of all that needs doing—whether it gets done or is shoved off, that doesn’t stop it from being on a constant ticker tape in my brain. “Write it down,” the hubby says. “Prioritize.”
And yet I don’t.
This “Note to Self” is twofold: Get up and move. Do it a few times; go outside, breathe fresh air. Stretch. But also, let it go. Let all the chatter go; don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do the little things that will probably help. Don’t feel bad that sometimes you can’t do it all. Let it go. Pull the plug on the ticker tape.
Or just write it all out in a blog post. Don’t you feel better now?